Lots Of Heroes Live In Caves

I'M IN UR CAVES, WATCHIN UR LIVES

You’d think that a community would be grateful to have an Illegal Alien living in a cave overlooking their valley, watching out for their homes and property. You’d think that good-hearted Americans would appreciate this Illegal gazing about with his peepers and surveilling around with his surveillance equipment, presumably guarding the area from The Wrong Type! You’d think all that, wouldn’t you? But you’d be wrong!

Instead of thanking this Hero of the Heights, ingrates in Tuscon, Arizona are attacking him… acting all frightened and angry, whining about burglaries and what-have-you! Imagine the burglaries that would have taken place if this Unknown Illegal Hero wasn’t manning his cave-post? It could be in the thousands (in theory)! But under his protection, this article lists, like, one burglary. And of course, it implies Our Hero was involved (which he wasn’t) instead of helping (which it is not entirely impossible he was). He was doing them a favor! I mean, isn’t this exactly what neighborhood watches are formed to do? But I digress…

Congratulations, Nameless Illegal Alien Cave-Spy! You’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! So there!

Illegal immigrant arrested in cave

He Who Hath Breached No-Man’s Land Four Times

For the record, the staff keeps telling me that the Border doesn't look anything like this.

Another day, another Illegal Alien driving drunk with a child in the car.

Of course, Manuel Borja-Vega, the Illegal in question, is more than just a farm-league Drunk Driver endangering a minor. Manuel has an impressive police record, having racked up convictions for drunk driving (4 previous times!), making terroristic threats, unlawfully carrying a weapon, evading arrest, assault and transporting Illegal Aliens.

Oh, and did I mention he’s been deported 3 times already? (How do these people keep getting through the lines of troops and tanks and razor-wire fences on our border?)

Congratulations, Manuel Borja-Vega (a/k/a Carlos Ortega, a/k/a Miguel Gomez-Boria, a/k/a Bertin Aveja-Granados, a/k/a Samuel Vega, a/k/a Andres M. Orrostieta, a/k/a Mauel Borja-Vega, a/k/a Nau Berduzco-Pena, a/k/a Navor Reynosa-Vega)… you’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! Oh, and please tell me you at least let the little kid get drunk too… it can be scary for wee ones to be driven around by intoxicated people if they themselves haven’t imbibed a bit.

3-time deported Mexican national sentenced to 11 years in prison

The Good-Old Botsvynyuk Brothers Boys

This is not a photo of one blue and one yellow Lego. It is the Ukrainian flag.

Sometimes when crafting this blog, it seems like all the great Illegal Aliens are from Mexico. It’s disheartening. After all, this site is about celebrating the new cultures and illnesses Illegals bring with them when when they sneak over our borders. In other words, sometimes you want Mexican food, and sometimes you crave something a little more exotic. Well, for you lovers of the aforementioned exotic, I have a treat for you, I do! Allow me to present The Fabulous Botsvynyuk Boys of the Ukraine: Traffickers of Illegal Alien Slaves!

The story of the Amazing Botsvynyuk Boys is a twisting thrill-ride of International intrigue stretching from the steppes of the Ukraine to Canada, then to Germany, then over to the Ukraine again and back to the US via the nearly impenetrable Line of Death known as the US-Mexico border (not necessarily in that order)! Slavery! Rape! Extortion! Wal-Mart!

Yes, these young men from Eurasia bring much-needed multi-culturality to this blog (which is good, because I wouldn’t want to be investigated by the government for violating some diversity law). Rather than randomly picking one of these charming characters to be our Illegal Alien of the Day, I’m just going to give it to the bunch of them (which is also good, because I can just cut-and-paste all their names here).

So, Вітаю and спасибі to the lot of you, Omelyan Botsvynyuk, Stepan Botsvynyuk, Mykhaylo Botsvynyuk, Dmytro Botsvynyuk, and Yaroslav Botsvynyuk! I’m sure the Ukrainian community is absolutely thrilled to have you represent them!

Ukrainian brothers charged with slave labor in Philadelphia

One Alien, Two Alien, Red Alien, Blue Alien

This beautiful story of 32 Illegal Aliens from 8 different countries all getting along and living in peaceful conditions in Phoenix warms the heart. And the Phoenix PD thinks there are at least 70 other “Drop-Houses of Love” in the city! It’s so wonderful and cosmopolitan… it’s like a line from that John Lennon song about imagining things! And hey, Lennon was in this country on a revoked visa for a while too, bringing the whole marvelous spectacle full-circle!

Therefore, today we give our first group IAotD award to our newly-discovered guests from China, India, Mexico, Ecuador, Brazil, El Salvador, Honduras, Guatemala and the Dominican Republic! Congratulations, nameless invaders! Don’t let this setback discourage you! Keep trying! With our open borders and lack of immigration enforcement at all levels of government, you’ll be back here quicker than you can say “I plead the 5th” (presuming you can speak English).

Officials: 32 Undocumented Immigrants From 8 Countries Found At Phoenix Drop House

Of Honduran Bondage

The upturned collar is a nice touch

One would think that after the War Between the States, human trafficking in America would have all but disappeared, but one would be wrong! Thanks to enterprising Illegals like Reyna Isabel-Reyes Caballero, the tradition of kidnapping, bondage and forced prostitution is alive and well in the USA! Thankfully for the police who surrounded his house recently, he’s a lousy shot, but he did at least try to kill an officer. So, “hola” and thank you, Señor Cabellero! Your slave-whores and gunfire are an exemplary showing of Illegal Alien culture! Keep up the fight, brother, and of course, congratulations on being our Illegal Alien of the Day!

Officers Shot at During Human Trafficking Investigation

Illegal Alien In Charge of Human Trafficking Forced Teen Aged Girls Into Prostitution