Red Bank, NJ… You’re Next

I believe this is Mateo's high school photo, but I'm not certain.

Two days ago it was an explosion of Dream Dating activity in Red Bay, AL, now it’s Red Bud, IL?

Red Bud man accused of sexually assaulting jogger

Something about the color maybe?

Whatever the impetus, thank you, Mateo Gomez-Rosete! You’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! Let’s hope this rape-trend of yours catches on!

They Can’t Prove He’s Not 17

Illegal Alien Mario P. Perez of Murfreesboro, Tennessee (or Mexico, depending) is the latest Dream Dater to be persecuted by our inflexible, intolerant, insensitive System. Once again, the legalese flies: it’s “rape” this and “aggravated sexual battery” that. Total gibberish.

When will we learn to respect the rights of Illegals to date according to their custom? How long must these tragedies continue? How many rhetorical questions is too many?

Way to go, Señor Perez! You’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! (You can pick up your plaque at our offices on Tuesday.)

Immigrant charged with rape of 8-year-old girl

My Sign? Um, El Toro?

Ever wonder where Illegals get their fake IDs? Well, often times it’s Helpful Americans, like Texas Department of Public Safety Trooper Mark DeArza!

You see, Mark understands the importance of ensuring an influx of vibrant Illegals to our land. He knows how integral Illegal Aliens are to this country, with their exciting, old-world plagues and drug-fueled zest for felonies!

So, thank you, Mark, for putting more Drunk Driving contestants on the road! For the Dream Daters and the burglars; for the restauranteurs and the gang-bangers; for the arsonists and pornographers and hookers… thank you! Oh, and enjoy your moment as Honorary Illegal Alien of the Day!

Mark DeArza: DPS Trooper Charged With Selling Driver’s Licenses To Illegal Aliens

Aren’t We Just A Bunch Of Jackbooted Thugs?

"Someday I would like to work on Wall Street or in the Government. Those guys never get arrested."

Juan Antonio Miranda-Medina thought he had done everything by-the-book. First, he snuck into the US unnoticed with the dream of attaining a good job in order to improve his lot in life. He obtained several Social Security Cards and other false identification so he could apply for and land that great job. Then he stocked up on illegal prescription medication so he could remain calm (or happy, or buzzed) at this high-paying job he was going to get. He collected several firearms (illegally), which I’m certain had something to do with this super-cool and legal job he was going to get and work really hard at. He even dabbled in the Official Sport of Illegal Aliens in order to make contacts and business connections. But before Juan could begin to live his American Dream, he got busted! And pro que? Well, probably for all that stuff I just mentioned.

Yes, despite having only the best intentions — like all Illegal Aliens — Señor Miranda-Medina wound up under arrest and detained by ICE. Yet another hard-working Illegal ready to contribute to industry and the beautiful tapestry of our culture… taken away from us by uncaring, intolerant and probably racist Government Officials! How long can we deny all the basic Rights and services we as Americans have to everyone else on the planet? Does our selfishness know no bounds? Or is it simply our innate xenophobia? Perhaps we need to look at the “man in the mirror,” and make a change. But I digress…

Congratulations, Juan Antonio Miranda-Medina! You’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! Sorry about your job hunt. If it’s any consolation, there are millions of American citizens unemployed too!

Metolius Raid Nets Drugs, Guns, Fake IDs

He Who Hath Breached No-Man’s Land Four Times

For the record, the staff keeps telling me that the Border doesn't look anything like this.

Another day, another Illegal Alien driving drunk with a child in the car.

Of course, Manuel Borja-Vega, the Illegal in question, is more than just a farm-league Drunk Driver endangering a minor. Manuel has an impressive police record, having racked up convictions for drunk driving (4 previous times!), making terroristic threats, unlawfully carrying a weapon, evading arrest, assault and transporting Illegal Aliens.

Oh, and did I mention he’s been deported 3 times already? (How do these people keep getting through the lines of troops and tanks and razor-wire fences on our border?)

Congratulations, Manuel Borja-Vega (a/k/a Carlos Ortega, a/k/a Miguel Gomez-Boria, a/k/a Bertin Aveja-Granados, a/k/a Samuel Vega, a/k/a Andres M. Orrostieta, a/k/a Mauel Borja-Vega, a/k/a Nau Berduzco-Pena, a/k/a Navor Reynosa-Vega)… you’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! Oh, and please tell me you at least let the little kid get drunk too… it can be scary for wee ones to be driven around by intoxicated people if they themselves haven’t imbibed a bit.

3-time deported Mexican national sentenced to 11 years in prison

Breaking News – Illegal Aliens Infiltrate Army Base

You're also breaking the law. Sheriff Joe frowns upon your shenanigans.

Shock and surprise: the US Army’s Network Enterprise Technology Center located at Fort Huachuca in Arizona was found to have 25 Illegal Aliens working there using stolen identities. The evil Sheriff Joe Arpaio was behind this attack on multiculturalism, after an extensive 3-month investigation showing the janitorial staff was chock full of Illegals.

What does Sheriff Joe think the problem is? These are simply hard-working people who came here illegally to conduct business under other people’s Social Security Numbers! Surely he doesn’t think that these lawbreakers could be coerced or blackmailed into digging up a little info while they’re emptying Gen. Hapablap’s circular file? That could never happen!

Illegal Aliens infiltrate U.S. Army base

Identity Theft Is Not A Crime

A Real American Hero!

Huzzah! Today we have yet another American hero, helping to ensure a superior quality of life for Illegal Aliens in our country!

Salt Lake City Police Chief Chris Burbank — our Honorary Illegal Alien of the Day — has not been enforcing a number of laws regarding minor things like identity theft, thus paving the way for all the civic-minded Illegals we feature daily on this page. And because of his leniency, even SLC crime statistics are skewed. As the article states:

“Therefore, when the study commissioned by Chief Burbank says that arrests for identity theft are actually lower for Latinos than for other groups, it is because the Salt Lake Police Department grants illegal aliens immunity from arrest for document fraud and identity theft.
“…when up to three-fourths of Utah’s illegal aliens routinely commit document fraud and/or identity theft, the Salt Lake City Police Department ignores these serious crimes and denies that they even exist.
“And then, since there are no SLCPD crime statistics for these crimes, Chief Burbank says that it proves that Latinos do not commit an inordinate amount of identity theft.”

So, thanks a million, Chief Burbank! Perhaps one of these days an Illegal you assisted with your mollycoddling will end up on this very page for pedophilia, murder or (most likely) drunk driving! I hope your office is an elected one, because the folks in SLC would never want to lose you!

Salt Lake City Police Study Understates Illegal Alien Identity Theft

Deported to Sweden; Says He’s Not From There

Ruben Carmona-Paredes will be returned to Middle Earth

Another day, another Illegal Alien of same. Ruben Carmona-Paredes was previously deported for violent crimes, but as you know, that never keeps a determined Illegal away, nosiree! The article does not mention to what country he was deported… perhaps Botswana or Hungary. Anyway, this time he was caught dealing cocaine, and once ICE gets done with him, I’m sure it’s right back to East Anglia for him! Adios and congratulations, Ruben, on being our Illegal Alien of the Day!

Violent Deported Alien Returns, Busted With Cocaine

Betrayed By St. Death!

The cheery, eerie Mexicatholivoodoo Saint of Muerte! He is not to be trusted.

There was a time when St. Death granted favors for prayers rendered unto him (her?). There was a time when St. Death had honor. But that time is gone. Omar Gazca-Chavez found out the hard way that when you dabble with Santa Muerte, you may be… Betrayed By St. Death! Hahahahahahaha!

Our story begins with IAotD Omar Gazca-Chavez and his partner in religion, Alfredo Gasca. Gasca — by bizarre happenstance — is an Illegal Alien as well! But I digress. So Omar and Alfredo hatch a cunning plan, whereby they will pray to Santa Muerte and then, somehow, be successful in their drug-based criminal endeavors. So, after praying at a shrine to the aforementioned Dead Saint, they… no! I won’t spoil it for you. Go read it yourself. It’s a lot like “Scarface,” but shorter, and with less violence and starring idiots.

Police: Alleged drug dealers prayed for success

Finally, The Recognition He Deserves

"I've waited 6 years for this!"

IAotD Jovany Morales is an MVP in the Illegal Alien sport of DUI. In 2004, he set a career best when he hit and killed a man while driving drunk. Naturally, he was promptly arrested, posted his bond, and then ran like the dickens! For six years, Morales roamed free. (The article says nothing about what he did during these years. One can presume he was doing charity work or tutoring children or the like.) Anyway, he was recently re-arrested, and this time his bond was set a little higher to ensure he’ll be around to get his legal due in a court full of appreciative Americans! No escaping the gratitude of the community this time, Jovany!

Regardless of what prize the jury presents you in court, you’re already a winner here! Congratulations, Señor Morales!

Judge Raises Bond on Previously Missing DWI Suspect