Double Dream Date With Prince Ricardo

Someday his prints will come (back from the Ecuadoran authorities)

Ricardo Velasquez has what you might call “a way with the ladies.” Sadly, in our priggish, culturally-discriminatory justice system it’s more commonly known as “rape” and “first-degree sex offense on a child.”

Yes, Ecuadoran citizen Velasquez, like so many, many other Illegals loves him some little girls, he does! In this instance, he treated two sweet little cherubs of 7 and 8 years of age to a Double Dream Date! It must have been like something out of “Cinderella,” but probably with more crying and moments where you want to cover your eyes with your hands. How magical!

So here’s to you, Ricardo Velasquez! You’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! You might have been a good player in the Official Sport of Illegals (having three prior DWI convictions), but we think you’ve really found your forté with this! All hail Double-Dream-Dating Prince Ricardo!

Man accused of raping children ages 7 and 8

SportCentre DUI – DC Suburb Shines In Regionals

The rusty, steaming, liquor-filled pot of vroom-and-doom that is Drunk Driving — the Official Sport of Illegal Aliens — is really coming to a boil! From recently strong showings by family-destroyers and friend-grinders to some truly stunning driving in the “Baby On Board” category, 2010 is proving to be a thrilling, record-breaking year! Yes!

Today, in place of an award*, we simply wish to give a shout out to the outstanding team spirit of this sport as embodied in Prince William County, Virginia, where 13% of their DUI arrests are Illegal Aliens! In this largely solo sport (“Baby On Board” notwithstanding), players in close proximity make themselves a more visible target for law enforcement, thereby increasing their risk of being taken out of the game early. But then again, you don’t get team stats like that by playing it safe! After all, this DC suburb is the home field of Carlos A. Martinelly Montano, the Nun-Bane!

Way to go, Prince William County, Virginia! Now do something about that feeble 6% overall Illegal Immigrant crime rate.

Illegal immigrants 13% of Pr. William DUI arrests

* Hey, some days we honor more than one Illegal, so we’re not denying any opportunities to our alien, criminal brethren.

His Crime Speaks For Itself

While searching for an image to attach to this article I wandered into some very ugly places.

Sometimes there’s very little left to say about an Illegal Alien that’s not said already by the headline. Like this one:

DWI suspect accused of ramming police vehicle urinated in pants, may be illegal immigrant

What can I add to that?

Congratulations, Julio Cesar Mendoza Agustin, you’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! They’ll give you nice, dry pantalones when you get to jail.

He Who Hath Breached No-Man’s Land Four Times

For the record, the staff keeps telling me that the Border doesn't look anything like this.

Another day, another Illegal Alien driving drunk with a child in the car.

Of course, Manuel Borja-Vega, the Illegal in question, is more than just a farm-league Drunk Driver endangering a minor. Manuel has an impressive police record, having racked up convictions for drunk driving (4 previous times!), making terroristic threats, unlawfully carrying a weapon, evading arrest, assault and transporting Illegal Aliens.

Oh, and did I mention he’s been deported 3 times already? (How do these people keep getting through the lines of troops and tanks and razor-wire fences on our border?)

Congratulations, Manuel Borja-Vega (a/k/a Carlos Ortega, a/k/a Miguel Gomez-Boria, a/k/a Bertin Aveja-Granados, a/k/a Samuel Vega, a/k/a Andres M. Orrostieta, a/k/a Mauel Borja-Vega, a/k/a Nau Berduzco-Pena, a/k/a Navor Reynosa-Vega)… you’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! Oh, and please tell me you at least let the little kid get drunk too… it can be scary for wee ones to be driven around by intoxicated people if they themselves haven’t imbibed a bit.

3-time deported Mexican national sentenced to 11 years in prison

SportCentre DUI – Nun Better

Even those closely following the Official Sport of Illegals may have overlooked rookie Drunk Driver Carlos A. Martinelly Montano. At age 23, with only 2 prior DUI convictions and no felonies, Carlos didn’t seem a particularly strong contender. Even ICE, to whom he had been turned over twice, didn’t see fit to waste their time deporting him. But this week Señor Montano sped out of nowhere to take the lead after some swerving, some careening… and some killing a nun!

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what this sport is all about! It simply does not get more thrilling than this! With 2 assists from ICE — and one from God — this longshot has rocketed into pole position by squishing/killing one nun and severely injuring two more! Wowee!

Carlos A. Martinelly Montano, you’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! From all of us here at SportCentre DUI, thank you and congratulations! Or, as Marv Albert would say, “yes!”

Oh, and ICE… way to go! Carlos couldn’t have done it without you!

Man charged in fatal crash was being deported

Illegal immigrant who killed nun in accident was released by feds

SportCentre DUI – Update

Welcome back to SportCentre DUI! As the summer really heats up, so does the Official Sport of Illegals: Drunk Driving!

It’s time to start making your bracket picks for the playoffs! Here are some early contenders…

Jose de Jesus Acosta Rivas moves up in the rankings after a career-best arrest for DUI with a 9-year-old child in the car!

El Salvadoran Illegal Jose Joe Velasco had a blood-alcohol level 4 times over the limit when he earned DWI #4 after he led police on a hi-larious car chase which ended only when he crashed, sustaining injuries! What a pro!

But leading the pack this week is Freddy Cortez Flores, who — with a blood-alcohol level of only .09 — lost control of his car, hit a wall, then dragged his partially-ejected passenger 567 feet, thus grinding him to his death!

The world of sport doesn’t get any more exciting than this, does it? (No! It doesn’t!)

So who’s today’s honoree? You folks sort it out. Pick one…

Add This Guy To Your Fantasy League

"I could have been a contender."

Like many sports figures, Miguel Romero Barajas has had his run-ins with Johnny Law. For most players, these encounters are off the field. For Miguel the police are interfering with the game itself: Drunk Driving – the Official Sport of Illegal Aliens!

Yes, today’s Illegal Alien is another up-and-coming powerhouse in the DUI world! While he’s not as yet managed to cause fatalities, he has been very effective at hit-and-run, and has racked up 4 Drunk Driving convictions in less than a decade! Lucky for North Carolina he wasn’t deported, or they’d have lost a star player with serious homicidal potential. And now that Miguel is behind bars, it could really hurt them in the playoffs… worse yet, they may actually deport him this time, completely depriving NC of his talents (until such time as he sneaks back over the border, anyway).

Hola and congratulations Señor Barajas! Hope to see you intoxicated and back on the “asphalt field” soon! Your fans are waiting!

Illegal alien, habitual DUI offender arrested after crash

Finally, The Recognition He Deserves

"I've waited 6 years for this!"

IAotD Jovany Morales is an MVP in the Illegal Alien sport of DUI. In 2004, he set a career best when he hit and killed a man while driving drunk. Naturally, he was promptly arrested, posted his bond, and then ran like the dickens! For six years, Morales roamed free. (The article says nothing about what he did during these years. One can presume he was doing charity work or tutoring children or the like.) Anyway, he was recently re-arrested, and this time his bond was set a little higher to ensure he’ll be around to get his legal due in a court full of appreciative Americans! No escaping the gratitude of the community this time, Jovany!

Regardless of what prize the jury presents you in court, you’re already a winner here! Congratulations, Señor Morales!

Judge Raises Bond on Previously Missing DWI Suspect

Daily DUI

DUI with flair!

If there is one thing at which Illegals truly excel, it would have to be Driving Under the Influence. I could easily have called this site “Illegal Alien Drunk Driver of the Day,” that’s how far they have advanced in the field of drinking and driving. You see, being a happy, celebratory lot, Illegals are often feeling the effects of an intoxicant. IAotD Juan Quintero, for example, was under the influence of alcohol when the stolen car he was driving without a license careened into a bus full of children, flipped into the air, and landed on top of Zachary Yates’ car, killing him (Yates that is, not Quintero). So, Congratulations and “hola” Señor Quintero! I’m giving you major points for style!

Illegal Immigrant Charged With DUI in Fatal Del. Crash

Honorary Illegal Alien Award!

Gracias, Señor Moran!

Today is very special. Today, we do not honor an Illegal Alien, but an American without whose tireless efforts on the Immigration issue Isaias Naranjo might not even be in the country. Isaias Naranjo, you see, is the suspected Illegal whose car hit that of our award-winner, State Representative Mike Moran (D – MA). Mike Moran is the guy who loves Illegals so much, he even voted for them to get in-state tuition! It was a match made in heaven.

Some of you may ask, “why not give the award to Mr. Naranjo? Doesn’t he deserve it?” In a word, no. You see, we don’t know for sure he’s in the US illegally, even though he laughed as the police pulled him from the car and said “I’m going to go back to my country [Mexico], … nothing is going to happen to me, man.” No, despite all the evidence, Massachusetts authorities are forbidden to inquire into a person’s immigration status, because of an order by Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick  — an order, not coincidentally, that Mike approves of. Since we have no way of officially knowing if Naranjo is in the US illegally,  we just can’t give him the prize.

What we can do, however, is present an Honorary Illegal Alien of the Day award to the guy who makes it possible everyone to have accidents like his: MA State Rep. Mike Moran! We’re glad to see you haven’t changed your opinion on Illegals because of your injuries, Mr. Moran! There’s still plenty of families and children out there who haven’t yet had the pleasure of meeting someone like Mr. Naranjo, but due to your tireless efforts, perhaps they will! Congratulations, and keep up the good work!

Illegal injures state rep in Mass, laughs that ‘nothing is going to happen to me’

Rep. Moran Back to Work After Being Rear-Ended by Alleged Drunken Driver