What A Stroke Of Luck!

This is Lucky Luis before all the luckiness. See how both sides of his face look the same?

Illegal Alien and drug smuggler Luis Luna Baro is one lucky felon. After his arrest near Atlanta, GA for having several million dollars worth of cocaine hidden in his car, Luis suffered a massive stroke. So how is that lucky?

Well, after $400,000 in medical bills, the Douglas County authorities are dropping all charges to avoid further costs. See, that’s lucky!

Also, in another steaming pile of luck, Luis can’t be deported, because he’s from Cuba! Ha ha! Isn’t that great?

So, with the charges dropped and the cost of his care after release falling (presumably) on some other Helpful Public Agency using your tax dollars, Luis can live out his final years in peace and comfort.

So congratulations, Luis Luna Baro! You’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! Oh, and you’ve got a bit of drool there on your lip…

Charges dropped for sick illegal immigrant

Not As Smart As His Forehead Might Indicate

He's got a lot of space on his forehead. He should consider a cool tattoo. No need to waste all that free real estate.

While merely a bush-league rookie in the Official Sport of Illegals (having 2 DUI convictions), Melvin Alvarado is a true champion in the world of armed robbery. Well, when I say “armed robbery,” I mean that he had a gun. He didn’t confront anyone with the weapon, he just used it to commit a robbery. That is to say, he shot a 14-year-old girl in the back, then ran up and took the valuables from her bleeding corpse.

Doubtlessly, this is commonplace in Melvin’s homeland of El Salvador (a place to which he has been deported twice by ICE). Here in America, however, people get upset when their children are executed for their cell phones and jewelry. We’re just culturally biased in that regard.

Congratulations, Señor Alvarado! You’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! And thank your lucky stars you’re of “dark complexion” or you might have ended up with a Hate Crimes charge for this killing! To avoid this possibility in the future, be sure only to murder white people.

Suspect in fatal shooting of teen was deported twice

Dream Date… Denied!

The US-Mexico "Line of Death". Sleep sound. The Border is secure.

Despite evading the electric eyes, laser-sensors, and Predator drones on the fire-blasted plain known as the US-Mexico Border, an unnamed Illegal Alien was not able to evade the Border Patrol once inside our nation. Thus were his plans for Dream-Dating his way across the southwest thwarted.

Yes, this unnamed Illegal we’ll call “Steve,” was already convicted of sexually assaulting a 14-year-old, and deported from our shores. But once he had a taste of sweet, young American girls he just couldn’t stay away! He’d risk anything to get back in, he would! Even the blood-spattered death-machinery which defends our southern exposure 24/7.

Well, tough luck on the dating, Steve, but congratulations on being our Illegal Alien of the Day! And don’t let this one setback stop you from trying again… millions of unsuspecting pre-pubescent girls are counting on you!

Convicted sex offender arrested near Calexico

He Who Hath Breached No-Man’s Land Four Times

For the record, the staff keeps telling me that the Border doesn't look anything like this.

Another day, another Illegal Alien driving drunk with a child in the car.

Of course, Manuel Borja-Vega, the Illegal in question, is more than just a farm-league Drunk Driver endangering a minor. Manuel has an impressive police record, having racked up convictions for drunk driving (4 previous times!), making terroristic threats, unlawfully carrying a weapon, evading arrest, assault and transporting Illegal Aliens.

Oh, and did I mention he’s been deported 3 times already? (How do these people keep getting through the lines of troops and tanks and razor-wire fences on our border?)

Congratulations, Manuel Borja-Vega (a/k/a Carlos Ortega, a/k/a Miguel Gomez-Boria, a/k/a Bertin Aveja-Granados, a/k/a Samuel Vega, a/k/a Andres M. Orrostieta, a/k/a Mauel Borja-Vega, a/k/a Nau Berduzco-Pena, a/k/a Navor Reynosa-Vega)… you’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! Oh, and please tell me you at least let the little kid get drunk too… it can be scary for wee ones to be driven around by intoxicated people if they themselves haven’t imbibed a bit.

3-time deported Mexican national sentenced to 11 years in prison

To What Else Would He Return?

Bryon is somewhat of a Renaissance Man. I imagine he looks like this.

Illegal Alien Byron Rousil is a complicated man: Speeder. Driver-with-suspended-license. Meth dealer. Convicted Felon. Prior deportee. Wielder of handguns (illegally, natch).

That boy’s got more layers than an onion, I tell ya! He’s exactly the kind of feisty, entrepreneurial, law-breaking Ambassador of South-of-the-Border Culture that this country so desperately needs!

So congrats, Byron Rousil… you’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! Thanks for everything!

Deported Illegal Alien Returns To Life Of Crime In Canyon Country

Something Stinks

Stick out your can. Marco's on the way.

He… a previously-deported Illegal Immigrant with a history of drug convictions driving a garbage truck.

She …A bicycle-riding 22-year-old American girl.

They meet on a street corner in Washington, DC… and sparks fly.

And rubber. And blood. And bits of bike and skin. And hair. Hair flies, too.

Now two years later, Marco Fuentes Flores is finally under arrest for killing velocipede-rider Alice Swanson, and it was a TV news story of the crime that broke the case, according to ICE:

“That news story gave us the information we needed to arrest this convicted criminal alien,” said Henry Lucero, director of ICE’s DC and Virginia Field Office for Enforcement and Removal.

Wow! Glad WUSA-TV was on the case or ICE would have been hamstrung! How ever would they find an angle on which to arrest a previously deported drug-smuggler who was in the country illegally, driving a truck without a legal license and who just squished a girl on a bike? He’s above the law! Untouchable! There’s no information on which to arrest him!

Well, except for all that evidence and stuff that the TV news was somehow able to find.

Oh, and did I mention Señor Flores was still employed and still driving the garbage truck when ICE picked him up? (I sense some Helpful Americans behind the scenes!)

Anyway, without further adieu, Marco Fuentes Flores: you’re our Illegal Alien of the Day! Please write from jail to let us know if you were drunk when you killed that kid… we can’t get you bracketed in the Official Sport of Illegals if you weren’t drunk.

Immigration Agents Arrest Truck Driver Who Killed Bicyclist