Thrills aplenty today, as newcomer Julian Cadena Cerda takes pole position in the “Sport of Sorts,” Drunk Driving! The Official Review Board of the Sport of Illegal Aliens (ORBSIA) is recognizing Julian’s drunken, double-hobo-crushing-homicide run by placing him in the #1 National Spot! Yes!
The plucky Señor Cerda and his pickup truck achieved the career-making offense by ramming into a Greyhound bus station and squishing two homeless spectators sleeping there. What a thrill it must be for those indigents to be part of sports history!
This feat places Julian ahead of folks like The Nun Bane and The Veteran Vanquisher! No small accomplishment, that! Nosiree!
So today, Julian Cadena Cerda, it is our honor not only to name you the Illegal Alien of the Day, but also the current National Leader in the “Sport of Sorts!” ¡Arriba!
Illegal Alien of the Day! 